PONGO POETRY | Monster

Pongo Poetry Project's mission is to engage youth in writing poetry to inspire healing and growth. For over 20 years, Pongo has mentored poetry with children at the Child Study Treatment Center (CSTC), the only state-run psychiatric hospital for youth in Washington State. Many CSTC youth are coping with severe emotional, behavioral, and mental health challenges. Approximately 40% of youth arrive at CSTC having been court ordered to get treatment; however, by the end of their stay, most youth residents become voluntary participants. 

Pongo believes there is power in creative expression and articulating one's pain to an empathetic audience. Through this special monthly column in partnership with the South Seattle Emerald, Pongo invites readers to bear witness to the pain, resilience, and creative capacity of youth whose voices and perspectives are too often relegated to the periphery. To learn more about Pongo's work and how you can partner with it in inspiring healing and relief in youth coping with mental and emotional turmoil, register for its upcoming Ignite Pongo training.

by a young person at CSTC

It's frustrating when I don't have ideas.
White rooms come up for me in times like this.
Sometimes they're big.
I guess they echo when you make a noise.
I space off when I don't have ideas.
I think about a bunch of other stuff.
It's easy to be distracted.

It's exciting when I do have ideas.
It's a fun feeling.

by a young person at CSTC

As I sit on my room floor,
I welcome the dark
A presence not unknown to me
I am told not to fight
and I will listen
to that nagging voice
in my head
My brain knows how to get the best of me 

I am torn between two worlds
One that screams to be free
while the other tries to tie me down
How do I choose
or go against what I have known
A slippery slope
I watch myself go down, down, and down 

I am alone in my own world
Walls so high up
I can't see the sun anymore
too hard to bring down
so I just sit and watch
again I am down that slope
it will take longer to get back up 

As I sit alone in my room
I wait
but for what, I do not know
I try to calm the voice
but I am not enough
Oh slippery slope
Why do you do this

by a young person at CSTC

I want to write a poem about my emotions
they hide themselves from others
and only talk to me
they say horrible things
they say that I am weird
that no one likes me
that people just hang out with me because they feel bad
that I don't fit in
Sometimes I think that monster voice is right
The other times – I don't know

Most of the time it feels true
The magic bullet that could kill
this monster
would be me
accepting myself

It's like whenever I dwell in
my emotions
the monster eats me away
so slowly
like it needs me to suffer
so that it can survive

Whenever it devours my issues
it gets bigger and bigger until
it pops

When it pops … I do something
maladaptive
and that behavior is from me
because
I can't handle
it.