PONGO POETRY | The Court Is Not

by a young person at CCFJC

I'm getting out tomorrow
I don't wanna come back
I was homeless before I came here
I was on the run for like a year
Being homeless showed me to value a lot
having a warm place to stay
having something warm to eat every day
just being alive in general
I lost a lot while I was homeless
one of my closest friends, he passed away
from gun violence
I didn't even get to tell him goodbye
I was living in a shed like a jail cell
I felt like I lost everything
It made me angry and sad
I couldn't control my emotions
I just wish I was there to help him
I always thought he would live longer than me
I never thought it would happen like that
This time when I get out I'm gonna be smarter
I'm going take care of my loved ones even more
Be there for them as much as I can.
I'm going to try and graduate
and get a job so I can help whenever needed.

by a young person at CCFJC

Here, the doors lock on me
At home, I lock the doors

Here, we have watery spaghetti
At home, spaghetti tastes like love

Here, it smells like a bleachy hospital
At home, it smells like my oily dog

Here, the door feels fake, I expect it to open
At home, I feel the door knob

Here, there's violent screaming, doors slamming, radios beeping
At home, quiet

Here, I see my mistakes
At home, I see my futures

Here, I can't play basketball
At home, I have my own court

Here, my friends have to pay for calls
At home, they just have to answer

by a young person at CCFJC

When you first walk up to the steps of the courthouse with handcuffs on your hands
The judge looks down and says
"You are a criminal.
You should not be in a public place around other people.
You should be kept in the dark."

When you first step into the coldest cell
The other people are looking at you like you're a criminal too
As soon as that metal door shuts
you feel darkness and sadness
All you see is a toilet and a bed
that's all.

While you're locked in there, you can only look out the door
You see staff putting people back in their rooms
You're sitting on your bed thinking
What have I done?
Am I just a criminal?
Do I belong here in the dark?

I wish I could go back in time
and erase that moment
That moment that got me stuck in here
I miss the comfort and the warmth of home
I miss my phone
I miss talking to my old friends
I miss my mom
my dad
my little brother
my two sisters
I miss walking outside and feeling the cold breeze down my spine
I miss seeing the sun as bright as day
I miss seeing birds going by in the blue sky

When that door opens and I get out into the day room
I see all these different faces that I don't recognize
It feels like everybody is watching me go back and forth
My anxiety is going up.
You sit down and watch all these people walk by
you start to think to yourself
these people probably did some bad stuff too
I know I'm not just a criminal
like the judge told me that I am

Then I hear them yell
"Go back in your room!"
I see the black wall
It's cold
and I think to myself
am I really just a criminal?

Pongo Poetry Project's mission is to engage youth in writing poetry to inspire healing and growth. For over 20 years, Pongo has mentored poetry with youth at the Clark Children & Family Justice Center (CCFJC), King County's juvenile detention facility.

Many CCFJC residents are youth of color who have endured traumatic experiences in the form of abuse, neglect, and exposure to violence. These incidents have been caused and exacerbated by community disinvestment, systemic racism, and other forms of institutional oppression. In collaboration with CCFJC staff, Pongo poetry writing offers CCFJC youth a vehicle for self-discovery and creative expression that inspires recovery and healing.

Through this special monthly column in partnership with the South Seattle Emerald, Pongo invites readers to bear witness to the pain, resilience, and creative capacity of youth whose voices and perspectives are too often relegated to the periphery. To partner with Pongo in inspiring healing and relief among youth coping with mental and emotional turmoil, join its end-of-year campaign today.