PONGO POETRY | Forest Mind

Pongo Poetry Project's mission is to engage youth in writing poetry to inspire healing and growth. For over 20 years, Pongo has mentored poetry with children at the Child Study Treatment Center (CSTC), the only state-run psychiatric hospital for youth in Washington State. Many CSTC youth are coping with severe emotional, behavioral, and mental health challenges. Approximately 40% of youth arrive at CSTC having been court ordered to get treatment; however, by the end of their stay, most youth residents become voluntary participants. 

Pongo believes there is power in creative expression, and articulating one's pain to an empathetic audience. Through this special monthly column in partnership with the South Seattle Emerald, Pongo invites readers to bear witness to the pain, resilience, and creative capacity of youth whose voices and perspectives are too often relegated to the periphery. To learn more about Pongo's work and how you can partner with it in inspiring healing and relief in youth coping with mental and emotional turmoil, register for Landscapes of Healing, its upcoming poetry reading.

by a young person at CSTC

In my head
there's a wilderness
A forest—
I am the wind
that sways the branches.
The trees are my thoughts—
some of them are big, some are small,
but they are continuously growing
sprouting new leaves,
leaves falling to the ground
as seasons come and go.

I am the wind moving through them—
I move at high speeds
I move at slow speeds
it is never a constant.

Birds come and screech their bad advice.
I want to give in,
but I keep on moving,
forcing the birds away
scattering new life in seeds.

I am the wind that whistles louder
than the birdsong.
I am the wind
that will never stop dancing.

by a young person at CSTC

How do I write in a way
that is coherent
about how overwhelmed I am.
I think my room reflects my brain.
It's always been cluttered,
but there's no more dirty dishes.
I'm doing better than I was.
That's probably a phrase I've used quite a lot.

How do you put in words
that improvement isn't always
just one big line up;
It goes up and down
like it's still going up
and it doesn't go quite as far down
like a heart monitor
Tracking the way my heart beats.
I mean, it's still beating.
Which is more than I thought I'd be
at this point.
For my whole life, I thought
I wouldn't make it to adulthood.
And well, now I'm here.
I'm not in jail.
I don't have to go back to a psych ward.

Now I'm just left thinking: now what?
Any plans that I made were kind of empty,
like the bones of a bird's wing
that's just trying to fly.

I didn't think I'd meet any of my goals.
I was just trying to come up with answers to the question,
'Where do you think you'll be in five years?'
I don't know, dead in a ditch somewhere.

Even though I'm tired
And I might need breaks,
I will still continue to fly
And reach my destination.
But it might take me a while,
But that's okay.

Dedicated to me three years ago

by a young person at CSTC

I was four years old
and I was treated terribly,
I was treated like I was nothing,
I was told many times I was nothing.

I was told that no one wanted me
As a child,
I was told that I don't belong on earth
I don't belong anywhere.
I am a bad teacher.
I have been hurt before.
I was told I suck.
But now I know
the true me,
in that I do belong on this earth,
I do know I am something,
I do know that being hurt and the beginning of the pain
of being hurt cannot go away,
and I do know
that I don't suck,
and I know the difference between
the words of being mistreated
and the true words of me.

I know that I'm worth it,
perfect and gorgeous,
just the way I am,
and that's alright.

I know that I'm gorgeous
even if I don't look like it,
and that's just fine.
You could say I'm stupid, dumb
and don't know anything,
and I don't belong on earth
and I have no purpose,
have no reason of being alive
being a person and being me.

But I do have a reason to be on earth,
I do belong on earth,
And I know that I'm worth it,
gorgeous and perfect
just the way I am
and that's alright.

I know that I'm gorgeous
even if I don't look like it
and that's just fine.

Dedicated to those who had a bad life, and to those who have been treated terribly and have been told they don't have a meaning in being a person on this earth, because they do have meaning, they do have purpose in being on this earth, and they are gorgeous and perfect just the way they are, and that's alright. Now don't let anybody get you down from what everyone else thinks of you, as long as you like yourself, that's the most important thing.